March 17, 2022

Stop Asking For Permission to Spend Money

Valentina Coco Website Profile Picture
Valentina Coco
min read

March 8th was International Women's Day and this year the theme is Breaking the Bias. I beleive that Breaking the Bias is an action that needs to happen every day, and standing together for women’s equality is something I feel very strongly about. For this reason I love to partner with amazing women and coaches to learn new skills and grow. This month, we have a guest blogger: Ilana Jankowitz of Mindful Money Coaching


When it comes to equality around money, I firmly believe it’s time to throw off the diminishing beliefs, behaviours and stigmas around our  money stories.

There’s no better story to start with than our one around ‘needing permission’. That’s the one that has us believing we’re not safe with money and need someone else to tell us what we can and can’t do with it.

All too often I hear the words…

“I need permission from my … (fill in the blank) before I can spend X or make a financial decision about Y.”

And this has to stop! 

You don’t need permission

In work and life I’m passionate about empowering women to understand, heal and change their disempowering money stories. 

Of all the stories we have, it’s this ‘permission’ one that runs the deepest. 

For hundreds of years we’ve been taught that women aren’t capable of being financially independent or making their own decisions about money. Instead we’ve believed that “man is the breadwinner for the little woman!” and so we must be good girls and ask permission from our husbands and significant others, before we spend a thing. 

But stop a minute and ask yourself – is that really true? 

Do you, an independently-minded, grown woman really need ‘permission’ from anyone to do anything?! 

Empower yourself 

Now, please don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating running off and buying a yacht without prior discussion with your partner, but it’s important to realise that discussion and permission are two very different things! 

When others are involved, decisions still need to be made but they should be made through JOINT discussions, with both of you being happy with the outcome.

Women are actually very smart and capable when it comes to looking after money and making wise financial decisions. The only problem we have is that we don’t believe in ourselves enough and allow ourselves to go for it. 

It’s time to find our voices and claim our place in the money conversations and decision making processes. For example, if you don’t agree with the spending choices of your partner, you’re allowed to say “no” and bring alternative options to the table.

When you let go of the belief that you need permission for anything to do with money, the way you view it will completely change. Money will no longer be a thing of fear and discomfort, or a weapon used against you. Instead it will become something that empowers you and that you actually value. 

The day I started valuing money everything changed! 

When you value money you’re unstoppable 

Let me be clear – valuing money isn’t about greed or putting money before people. But whether we like it or not, money has a big part to play in how we live our lives. So, it makes sense that the core values that reflect who you truly are, are also reflected in your financial life.

Your attitudes about money define everything that matters to your personal financial situation: how much money you’ll need, how hard you’ll work, how you’ll feel when you have it, and so on.

hen you have clarity on your values and goals and what they really mean to you, and you align them with money – well, then you become unstoppable! 

If you’d like to understand more about your money stories, the best place to start is with Ilana's free Money Quiz. Once you’ve taken the quiz, book a call in her diary and together you can discover different ways you can transform them.

Happy discovery


Valentina Coco Website Profile Picture
Valentina Coco
inclusive leader

I'm a connector, leader, change-maker, mother and coach. My experience of going through many burnouts motivated me to find solutions to improve the culture in the workplace and achieve more.

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